5 Ancient Sex Stories That Prove Today’s Debauchery is Positively Puritan

With the release and hype of the sizzling ’50 Shades of Grey’ people think this is the most sexual time in history. From the sexual revolution that began in the 1960s to today’s open attitudes about porn and sexual health, it’s easy to see why people think we’re more ancient-sex-storiessexually liberated and experimental than ever before. But these five stories will prove not only that there’s nothing new under the sun, but that our ancestors were way more perverted than Christian Grey.

1. Using Your Power for Sex

Sex and power have always gone together and, in ancient times, there was little – if anything – in the way of rules, regulations or repercussions for rulers who wielded their power to get laid. When most people think about the most sexually oriented rulers of the ancient world both Emperor Nero and Caligula often top the list. But they’re thinking too small. In the end, Emperor Tiberius really comes out on top. Tiberius was always a bit sex crazed but in his later life, as his libido and performance began to wane, he went to extremes in order to satiate himself. He eventually began to hold not-so-secret orgies in Capri where dozens of people would have sex in front of him in order to help turn him on. He always had a special wading pool where he would sit and recline while under age sex slaves, whom he referred to as his “little fishies”, fellated and teased him underwater.

2. Gladiators

The Russell Crow movie about gladiators portrayed them as pretty good guys who got a raw deal. It’s true that a gladiator’s life was hard and dangerous, but when it came to sex, gladiators had it pretty good. Quite often gladiators would choose to be paid not with money against their debt, but with sex from a stable of prostitutes. Even then, they had a wide variety of choice as prostitutes selling their services in brothels would advertise their speciality and even how experienced they were with the special demands of gladiators.

3. Porn on Public Display

Most people know the ancient Romans were pretty open when it came to sex, but few realize just how open they were. In ancient Rome it was common to see some pretty explicit graffiti which touted the sexual virility of locals or the promiscuity of others. But that wasn’t the most overt forms of public pornography. No, in ancient Rome pornography was everywhere thanks to their belief system that involved a series of gods and was focused heavily on fertility. The main focus was on the penis and it was featured in huge statues, wind chimes and even on some of their coins.

4. Orgies and Religious Festivals

bacchanaliaIn ancient Greece it was common to have Bacchanalia, or fertility festivals. In theory these parties were meant to bring people together to celebrate fertility and appease their gods but, in practice, they were little more than massive orgies. The parties were so over the top that even Roman authorities thought they crossed a line and eventually they began to enforce severe punishments for anyone caught participating. This didn’t put an end to these festivals but instead drove them underground where they continued to be held in secret locations making them an ancient precursor to modern day raves.

5. Mozart’s Perverse Music

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart is perhaps one of the most well-known composers of all time. While many of us know his infamous Symphony no. 40 or his Overture to Figaro, few know about his more erotic work. One such piece of music is called “Leck mir den Arsch fein recht schön sauber” which translates to English as “Lick me in the ass nice and clean”. The lyrics live up to the title and feature passages such as “Lick my ass nicely, lick it nice and clean … That’s a greasy desire” and “Three will lick more than two, come on, just try it, and lick, lick, lick.”